Revolution of the Kind People

Recovery: I was never that great

Say what now? Never that great? That doesn’t fit the love yourself vocabulary. You have to love yourself! 

Don’t worry, I do. I love me, my talents, and my mistakes. But honestly, I was never that great. 

I often told myself that I was always right. I wasn’t afraid to tell others as well. And sure, I do have a strong intuition and many pleasant features. This message isn’t about that! It’s about spiritual ego. 

Due to a lack of better resources, I was using the idealized view of my spiritually evolved Self as a way to avoid reflection. I was unbalanced. I paid much attention to my spiritual side, while my physical, embodied reality was suffering from neglect. 

The hardest part about this issue was recognizing and acknowledging my not-so-greatness. My undeveloped parts. My self-destructive side. It’s hard because I didn’t want to, you know, feel that my well-intended efforts sometimes didn’t succeed. 

Because they were well-intended. Always, I dare to say. Unfortunately, that’s not always enough. And that’s a part of life. 

I admire my well-intendedness and it balances my not-so-greatness. It helps to be soft and kind to myself within the realization process. It helps to stay my own best friend. 

This, for me, is a picture of recovery. After a long period of burning out and general malaise, I’m rebuilding. I was broken. I was hurt. I was out of control. But I was also strong, brave and worth trying. 

Recovery is a delicate state. Within it, there’s a moment where one can say: It’s time to move on. I can say: It’s time to move on. 

I love making fire. It brings out a childly (I don’t like the word childish) joy and happiness. It’s that inner child that, by making a connection to its adult body – is guiding the advent of resurrection and play.

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