Revolution of the Kind People

1. On my birthday in October, I made a collage for my 27th year of life. It was a lovely activity. I’m so proud that I finally have enough patience and focus to make time for these things. Before, I was never able to finish the little art projects that I started. Finishing something is a “Yin” quality. While starting something is a “Yang” one. What does that say about me? My Yang side always wanted to move on. To the next thing! The idea-phase was the only interesting one. Now I’ve developed my Yin side further, I’m starting to see the value in staying and completing projects.
2. Recently, I’ve learned that the main concept of my life is stories. This sounds so evident to me that it’s strange to even have to say it. However, I guess I never really did. Two days ago, when I couldn’t sleep, I visited a website I once made. I made it for people who were searching, finding themselves in-between worlds and needed support. The funny thing is that two years after I made it, I find myself being one of those people. The website comforted me. Especially this story about being fluid (read here). This person talked about wanting to be fluid and the viewpoint that systems don’t have a stable core. It’s super interesting, because throughout my search, I always wanted to find my “essence”, my true being. Well, I believe that the essence of my life is stories. However, there is also something really comfortable about the idea of life not having an essence. And me being allowed to flow fluidly from one phase to the next. I’ll think about this…
3. I’ve moved in with my partner! This is a big celebration to me. Of all the changes in my life over the past few years, this might be the least scary one. Now, I find myself Hestia-ing in new kinds of ways. I’m referring to Jean Shinoda Bolen’s book Goddesses in Every Woman (Find it here). She uses the Greek Goddesses to describe different powerful archetypes within women’s lives. This is helpful, because the explanations of their characteristics, challenges and talents provide a unique way of looking at yourself and the processes in your life. She also wrote a version for men, by the way (Find here). According to Bolen, all archetypes are present within us but some are more at the forefront during different phases of our lives. It was a big relief for me to read about Hestia. She is the Goddess of Hearth, Home and Hospitality. This meant that I could start valuing my interests in the household, decoration, and creating a warm, homy vibe. I used to think that those were outdated female qualities that I, an emancipated woman, shouldn’t strive for anymore. Turns out that emancipation is more about valuing whatever you want. Who’d thought?
4. Today, as I’m writing this, I’ve endured 77 days of having no future plan. 77 days! I have to be honest and admit that this is not completely true. I started counting when I worked my last day at one of my two jobs. One week ago, I also finished the other job. However, in the meantime, I already had some job-interviews going. I wasn’t going to end up without a plan! I never do. While I secretly kind of knew that this time, I was supposed to learn to live with uncertainty, I was still trying to use the same method as usual. Find something new before the old thing ends. Well, it didn’t work. I didn’t get the job. Now what? I don’t know.
5. It’s funny that “practice what you preach” is SO true. For years now, I’ve been advocating for “leaving room for uncertainty”, “listening to the rhythm of nature”, “trusting the universe”, “creativity doesn’t want to be forced”, jadajada. I have to look into the mirror and say: “Tara, you’re still not practicing that.” Do you know that scene in Finding Nemo, when Dory and Marvin are hanging from the big tongue of a whale – inside of the whale, and Dory begs Marvin to trust her? They have to let go, she claims. Marvin’s like, “Looking at our situation, we’re obviously gonna die if we do that”. I watched that movie endlessly as a kid. Apparently, that story proved an important point in my life. They don’t die. And the cynic in me STILL says: they were just lucky. It’s a kids movie. Life does’t work that way. But… I didn’t really try it, did I? So how can I know?
6. I noticed something peculiar over the past few weeks. It happens quite often that people approach me outside, asking for directions. Apparently, I look like someone who would help. That does make sense, because I always do. But I don’t consider myself the approaching type, so I wonder. Why do they ask me? It could be a coincidence. There are many tourists around where I live and I’m just a young woman walking relatively slow. But still. These encounters keep me thinking because some part of me actively wants to help them. Within my search for purpose and beloning, it has become a reoccurring phrase: I want to help people on their way. I might want to do that through stories. I might want to do that by creating warm and inviting environments. I might want to provide a sense of security within uncertain times. It feels like my Ikigai, because it gives me a sense of meaning without a specific reason. Take that, cynic in me!

Here is the collage ♡